Through the years I have received numerous inquiries from couples who want to marry but ‘have no idea where to start’. Many are coming from out of state or even out of the country. Wedding planning from a distance requires quite a bit of coordination. I gently remind them that I am a minister, not a wedding planner. However, having said that I am happy to point couples in the right direction.
If you are planning a wedding and don’t know where to start…here are some things to consider (in no particular order)
Type of wedding
Formal, semi-formal, casual, themed… traditional, contemporary, religious, inter-faith, multi-culture, spiritual, non-religious, civil… there are so many labels…
Oh yes...one more... a surprise wedding.. I have officiated several of these. Sometimes family and friends think they are attending a birthday party, cookout or some other event, only to find out they have been invited to a wedding! And once even the groom was surprised to learn his 'vacation' to North Carolina was his wedding. The bride made all of the arrangements and even had their wedding clothes (formal attire) shipped ahead of time. She told him on the morning of their wedding that they needed to get their marriage license. (he was thrilled!)
Number of Guests
Although the budget is important, the number of guests you plan on inviting will often determine the budget. Will your wedding be ‘couple only’, family and friends, or will it be a large affair, including several hundred guests? I suggest making of rough list, divided into three categories of guests, absolute, should, and maybe. (just an example) This will help you choose your venue and possibly affect or determine your budget.
Date of wedding
Many wedding venues book up quickly, particularly during spring and fall. You may want to have a couple of dates in mind. Weather, holidays, school calendars, work schedules may be a consideration. After you have a date in mind, check with the ‘key’ people (family and wedding party) to make sure there are no conflicts
Some venues will give a discount for off season, Friday or Sunday weddings. Even the time is a factor at the larger venues. Morning or afternoon weddings are sometimes less expensive that evening weddings.
Location
Indoor or Outdoor: church, chapel, wedding venue, bed & breakfast, inn, estate, villa, winery, park or other public area, historical site, private home or rented cabin. (And yes, you can have a religious wedding at any of these locations.)
Many couples ask about waterfall weddings… After all there are thousands in North Carolina…I always remind couples to consider the physical ability of their guests. Most waterfalls require some effort. Hiking or a large number of steps (Looking Glass Falls) may be required. And there are no rest rooms. I have officiated weddings where the bride has walked a mile (or farther) dressed in a wedding gown and high heel shoes… in the summer… If this is your dream wedding, be sure to allow plenty of time… and make sure your guests are aware of what will be required.
And there was an instance last summer at Hickory Nut Falls (this did not happen to me) where there was a downpour when the wedding was taking place. Needless to say, everyone was drenched! I saw the bride and groom (after the ceremony and the rain had stopped) posing for photographs. They did not look happy!
Which brings me to another very important point…. have a backup rain site. This is not as important if you’re planning a small family wedding and everyone is ok with a little rain. But trust me; if you’re planning a large wedding your guests will very much appreciate the fact that you have a ‘back up’ plan. And it doesn’t have to be rain. In the spring or fall, the weather could be quite cold. It’s not unusual for us to have a ‘cold snap’ at the end of April or the first of May. And who knows what the fall will be like. This year the weather has been great. Here it is almost Thanksgiving and we’re near 70 degrees, for days now.
Have a plan… you can always wait until you see the weather forecast and make the call, even on the day of your wedding. Just be sure you have a way of notifying your guests…
Who will officiate
In North Carolina you have two choices: a magistrate or ordained minister. Some magistrates will travel but most are only available for weddings performed at the courthouse. If you are a church member, your pastor may not be available to travel to your location. Here’s where I come in… I am a non-denominational ordained minister (Hospice chaplain) and can officiate any type of ceremony at any location. I will need to know the date, time and location before I can verify my availability. Once my service is secured, I will work with you to create the perfect wedding ceremony, each and every detail… This will allow you time and energy to attend to the other areas that require attention.
Budget
This is a biggie. When our daughters were married (within six weeks of each other) we started with a budget. I soon realized I did not have a clear idea of exactly how much a wedding would cost! (or should I say two weddings…) And… to be honest, our budget kept increasing…For us, the budget was important, not so much as a limit but to keep the weddings equitable. Neither of their weddings were large but as I’m sure you will quickly find out, if not already, the cost keeps increasing… venue, cake (and topper), food, flowers, photographer, DJ, chairs and tablecloth rental, invitations/postage, overnight accommodations for guests… not counting the dress, veil (and jeweled headband…), shoes, jewelry,… and don’t forget the expensive ‘gotta have’ undergarments that make the wedding dress fit perfectly… And the day of ….hair, makeup, nails etc…. the list and the budget keeps escalating…
Once you have an idea of the venue and the number of guests your expecting you’ll be able to calculate a budget. If you’re started with a fixed amount for your budget, chose the three most important things and allow for those expenses first. These should be the three things that will make your wedding perfect!
Reception
Buffet, sit down, or appetizers? Alcohol, full bar, wine and beer only, or perhaps ‘cash’ bar? If you include alcohol, this could increase your budget significantly, depending on what you choose. Some venues, charge a ‘corkage fee’ if you provide your own wine.
Some venues prepare the food on site or they may require that you chose from one of their ‘approved caterers’. I have officiated several small family weddings where the couple hired ‘personal chefs’. This was a great idea and I’ll be happy to give you more details if it interests you.
And there have been couples who, with the help of their families, prepared the food for the reception. This is a great way to save money but does add a lot of stress if the couple is actually doing the work themselves… If you’re looking at this option. ..Delegate.. Allow your family and friends to help. This is your wedding day and you don’t want to be running around like a crazy person…
Other things to think about..
Flowers, wedding cake and table decorations? What about music, live, DJ or recorded? Photographer? Wedding favors? Honeymoon?
So…… after reading through this, you’ve started to re-think the whole big wedding plan, ready to throw your hands up and elope…. Many couples become overwhelmed by the planning (and cost) and decide to have a personal private wedding. (hint... RiverMist) In many cases, there is a reception at a later date to celebrate with family and friends. This works perfectly for many couples and they’re relaxed, stress-free and can enjoy the celebration..
Whatever you decide, make your wedding about the two of you and what you want.
I’m writing this while looking at the beautiful Atlantic Ocean, taking a little vacation from fall weddings…
The temperature is perfect, rates are low and the beach is deserted. At night I fall asleep listening to the waves, with the sliding door open, and wake up each morning to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean.
Just me and the gulls on the beach. This one was taking a little siesta beside me and looked so funny with his head turned completely around and tucked under his wings.
North Carolina is wonderful… from the mountains to the coast......nothing could be finer….
Whatever you decide, make your wedding about the two of you and what you want.
The temperature is perfect, rates are low and the beach is deserted. At night I fall asleep listening to the waves, with the sliding door open, and wake up each morning to a beautiful sunrise over the ocean.
Just me and the gulls on the beach. This one was taking a little siesta beside me and looked so funny with his head turned completely around and tucked under his wings.
North Carolina is wonderful… from the mountains to the coast......nothing could be finer….
